October 13th 2014

Hello dear blog,

Sorry, I abandoned you. At my defense, you did give me some technical difficulties the last time I tried to blog by making my entire post disappear suddenly. That didn’t really inspire me to go back to blogging. Well, here we go again.

I’m not quite sure how I want go go about blogging this time around. I thought about doing something a bit more informative and educational with yoga tips etc, but I decided I will just play it by ear. I’m just not organized enough to put together an informative piece, but its not completely off the table. The issue is photos and/or movies. I think they are easier for when it comes to explaining things such as yoga.

I think I’m going to be blogging more as a journal of sorts to figure some things out and to grow more as a person/adult/mother/wife. I’ve been doing a lot of soul searching and I really want to go forward in my life in a positive way. I hope this space can be a safe way for me to babble to figure things out and/or to document somethings.

Body Image

Right now, I’m in a bit of a rut. First time in a long time where Im really struggling with exercise and healthy eating. I was telling my friend the other day that my body feels so foreign to me. Clothes that used to be comfortable on me aren’t comfortable anymore and its concerning. I feel heavy, but not exactly unhealthy. I’m still pretty strong. I have stamina and I recover pretty fast from hard workouts. Still, something isn’t feeling quite right. I’m having a hard time listening to my body’s cues of hunger and satiation. This often results in me overeating. Feeling frustrating. Feeling negative towards my body and that often results in emotional eating. Its a cycle I’ve been struggling a lot this year and my weight has creeped up. I don’t weight myself. I go by how my clothes fit and how I feel. My running and yoga has suffered and as a result I don’t enjoy them as much. I have trouble sleeping and I find myself craving foods that should have no place in anyone’s diet (I’m talking to you fries!)

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Time to start cutting back on the junk. Let me just be completely honest that I’ve been a pretty junky vegan recently. Sure I still do eat a lot of veggies and fruit, but I also eat way too much of junk. My body is screaming at me to stop. I’m eager to feel vibrate and healthy again. Last year I was running great and I had tons of energy. I felt confident and looked forward to activities that I now shy away from.

I recently took a couple yoga workshops and I was so self conscious of my body that i just simply couldn’t enjoy myself. This is really sad. Not only do I want to feel healthy, but I also want to embrace and love myself no matter what. I can’t let my appearance hold me back in life.

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What I am quite fond of and what used do wonders for me are positive affirmations. My affirmation for today is: I forgive myself for eating the wrong foods and I transcend all feelings of unworthiness.

I welcome tomorrow and its new beginning for me.

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Good night Monday.

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March: Spring!

Hello blog,

So, I’ve basically determined that Fridays are really the only days I can blog. I guess I could maybe do some blogging over the weekend, but I’m not going to be too ambitious. What I do need to work on is taking more photos. I feel bad that I don’t take many photos of Ty any more and life in general. But I will start taking more photos and not just posting them on Instagram. Time to pull out the big camera and take good photos and actually take the time to load them into the computer. After all, that’s one of the reasons (at least for me) we bought a desktop computer. It has more storage space and easier for blogging with the keyboard and mouse.

Anyhoo, Spring is around the corner! How can I tell? When my eyes start getting itchy and I come back from my runs with bloodshot eyes and nose that won’t stop running. Fun times! I honestly am really looking forward to it getting warmer though. I’ve never looked forward to warmer weather because I don’t really function well in heat, but this year feels different. I’m tired of being cold all the time, wearing multiple layers when running (shorts! I can’t wait to wear running shorts!), and getting Ty bundled up and then taking the layers off again is a pain in the ass. This year we also have the beach house to look forward to. Can’t wait to spend time in our yard (hello outdoor yoga!), make simple meals, and just breath in lots of salty beach air. AH, I can’t wait. Of course, I may be singing a different tune once humidity rolls in, ha. We go down to the beach house tonight and I’m looking forward to seeing our Ume tree in full bloom!

The biggest news of all that I must document here is that Ty may be ready for some formal potty training. Thanks to his new daycare, he suddenly is quite keen on doing his business on the potty. The daycare takes all the kids at designated hours to use the loo and the teachers say he always does #1 without any problem. Last week he even went in a public toilet in Costco! I was so shocked when he said he wanted to go too while I was doing my business. For a split second I thought how trouble some to take off his shoes and pants in a dirty public toilet, but I went with it and I’m so glad I did when it was successful. Even just the fact that he was willing to sit on a public toilet is amazing! And then, this morning (drum roll please) he did #2 on the potty! He likes to stand when he does it and he doesn’t like me to go near him, so I just presumed sitting might be tough for him, but since he already had his diaper off and I could see that he was pushing I quickly told him to sit on the potty and he willing sat! I left the room since he likes privacy and when I come back he was done. We examined his accomplishment and LOTS of cheering made him feel pretty good I think. He even asked to sit on the toilet before leaving the house. His diaper was dry so I was thrilled. THRILLED! Planning to take the potty with us to the beach house this weekend so we can hopefully continue this awesome streak. Maybe I’ll even pack the big boy undies and let him run around without pants since we have flooring in the house.

These photos aren’t related to the post, but since photos make a post more interesting and fun I decided to post them anyway.

Parents are obviously enjoying this more than Ty.ha

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Let me on daddy!

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Fun with a friend.

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 Strawberry muffins smelling divine! Hope Ty likes them.

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Restarting My Sleeping Blog

Hello Blog,

Geez, it’s been a very long time! Almost a whole year to be exact! It’s funny that I started making an attempt to blog more when it turned Spring last year and here am I doing the same thing now. ha. I was just reading over the last posts about feeling bad about putting Ty into his new daycare and its funny because he’s going through the same thing right now.

Alright, so why this sudden burst of desire to blog? For a long time I wanted to start blogging again, but time really permitted it. Then I realised that if I spend less time looking at “educational” YouTube videos then I’d have more time to blog. Yes, I’m guilty of being addicted to YouTube.
I’ve sort of adjusted to my new routine, although life feels pretty hectic still. But anyhow, I want to channel some creative energy somewhere. Honestly, my daily hum de hum of life is stressing me out and I’m finding less joy in things that I normally find enjoyable (i.e. running, yoga, cooking) so I thought visiting this little spot occasionally might help me find my joy in life again by having a space to empty out the thoughts in my head. Somehow this makes sense in this brain of mine.

So where do I start?! Ty started a new daycare a month ago and he’s finally getting used to it and enjoying himself there as of a couple of days ago. Well, actually he has been enjoying himself from about a week into it, but he finally doesn’t make a big fuss when I bring him in and since yesterday he runs in his room all excited to play with the toys and friends. After I get him settled (public daycare requires hands on parent work so there is a little routine I need to do daily that takes 5-10mins depending on the days) he says good-bye to me without even turning around to look at me from whatever activity he’s doing. Heartbroken just a little. In the coming days I’m certain I will elaborate more about the pros and cons of this new place. But for today I’ll keep it short, sweet and positive. He’s used to his new daycare now YAY!

Whats up with me? From this year I started teaching 2 prenatal yoga classes and 2 postnatal classes. For the pass 2 years I only taught 1 prenatal class and maybe once a month I subbed for “Yoga for Athletes” class. Teaching 4xs a week has its challenges. I like to prepare my classes well before teaching and it takes a little bit of time. Of course, there are days when I just teach on the fly, but I generally like to run through what Im going to teach and have a specific theme/focus for the class. So my evenings the first few weeks have been filled with filling out whatever Ty’s new daycare needs me to fill out and prepping for my class. I feel like I have zero down time. But who am I kidding…teaching yoga IS my down time. And I kid you not. I love it! Prenatal yoga is going really well. I have full class on a consistent basis and for the first time ever I actually made something to contribute to our finances last month, ha. Even though it’s a VERY SMALL contribution, hey I’m allowed to feel pretty proud of myself, no?
Postnatal yoga has been slow. I was nervous about teaching it since its my first time to teach it, but when students arrive its very rewarding. One studio (I teach at 2 different studios) has students consistently and they are blast since they’ve been coming to my class during pregnancy so we know each other well and its like hanging out friends and having good laughs with cute crying bundles around.
The other studio is still going to take time to draw students in I feel. It’s a little disappointing when no one shows up, especially because I do put though into my classes (and time), but I think I need to be more proactive about advertising my class. And just be patient. My prenatal classes are thriving, so if those keep busy I will eventually get some new mamas who are interested in continuing their yoga practice after their babies arrive. Fingers crossed.

Now that the weather is warming up are looking forward to visiting our home in Shimoda more often and work on getting the place all cozy for us and guests to hang out in. The kitchen got a facelift. The wall was torn down so we have a sort of open plan now and a new beautiful wood counter. Cabinets and walls were repainted and now were looking into lights and putting in new flooring. The wall papers for almost the entire house has to be done and we need lots of appliances (fridge, laundry dryer) etc. Then theres the outdoor area. We have a beautiful and quite large amount of land and it was over grown with weeds, so thats finally taken care of and we can actually see the ground now. Grass will be planted soon and eventually we’d like to build a deck. So exciting! So much to look forward to, but also a little time consuming. Every time we go down to the house we spend a lot of time unpacking boxes, building furniture, shopping, etc so were looking forward to a time when we can just enjoy the house.

I don’t know why exactly (actually I do), but I suddenly don’t have as much joy in running any more. Last year I went pretty crazy with my running and unfortunately I think I even developed a slight hamstring issue. I was really enjoying running last year and ran hard and strong. I made pretty big progress as far as speed and stability goes and I was highly motivated. My body felt great to run, I lost weight, I had tons of energy and then poof this year that motivation is gone.  Number 1 reason is pure exhaustion. Ty keeps me up a lot at night and with his new daycare schedule and my yoga classes, I feel like I’m constantly rushing everywhere and when I run on top of all that, I feel like I’m a little hamster running in a wheel.  I rush to take Ty to daycare, then I rush to get my run in, I rush to get ready to teach, I rush to yoga class, I somehow calm myself and teach a non rushed class, then I’m rushing back home or rushing to pick up Ty. I rush all my meals. Then theres still my to-do list in the evening after Ty goes down and man, I just feel too busy. So this is where my personal yoga practice has really spoken to me lately. I feel my body and mind benefits so much more on the rare days where I just don’t run and instead focus just on yoga. My focus on running lately is highly driven by my weight loss efforts (stress and exhaustion makes me gain weight unfortunately) and its just not healthy. It goes against everything I teach in yoga to listen and respect the body. I want to switch my focus of running for weight loss to running for health and for the pure joy of moving my body. For everything, I need to change my thought from weight loss to vibrate health. Health and happiness is my focus from this Spring. I want to walk and look my talk. Right now I feel like a hypocrite. I feel like my life is a little lie, so its time to take action. To be honest, raw and completely real. It’s time to listen and respect my body and my mind. Through this I hope I can find a healthy and joyful way to run again like last year when man, running was just AMAZING!

And with that I’m signing off to spend some time on my mat before picking up the toddler.

Namaste and peace to everyone!

Challenge Fail. Ha!

Right, so how many days has it been since I last posted? Far too many, I don’t even remember. After the Canon lens broke (still haven’t brought it in to be repaired) I lost my mojo. The challenge was to post photos with the good camera and I tried to keep it up with my iphone and/or Davids camera, but I lost the fun in the challenge.

Ty has  also been sick lately so I’ve had my mind and evenings (the only time when I can blog) occupied. Once I had any free time I just wanted to chill infront of the TV with David and thats what I choose to do. David and I are going through Desperate House Wives and it’s really addictive and fun. 

Any hoo, at least I made it 2 weeks right? hehe

I will get the camera fixed and will post good quality photos eventually, but until then I think my post will be kind of sporadic and sparse. 

March 13th: Ty Says and Ty Eats

Ty is a big big talker! That is for baby talk, but he still doesn’t say much actual words even though he understands a lot. The most recent new word is “more” He always asks for more toothpaste and tonight he asked for “more” tofu. TOFU! Since yesterday he’s loving tofu. He used to only occasionally eat the deep-fried type and always spit out the non fried type. Until yesterday that is. He seems to even prefer it over his beloved natto.

Since I talk a lot about how little Ty eats I thought I’d dedicate a post to what Ty DOES eat. Of course his likes and dislikes change a lot. One day he’s all over one particular food and the next day he’s so over it. But for now I’m grateful that he likes: tofu, natto, eggs, carrots, beets, hijiki, quinoa, rice, cheese waffle, cheese, chia seeds, coconut flakes, dried goji berries, pumpkin seeds,  edamame beans, adjuki beans, brown lentils, cooked spinach (if its mixed with rice) pasta, gnocchi, udon, and sometimes hashbrowns. The list is short, but I’m working with it. He still doesn’t like fruit of any kind, unless you count dried goji as a fruit. He also likes freeze-dried yogurt drops that I order off of iherbs, but will flat-out refuse yogurt in liquid form. It’s all in the details for him. With that in mind, maybe I just need to present fruit in a more creative way.

I was absolutely exhausted today! I stayed up wayyy to late talking to David about my mama guilt and I totally paid for it today. Drank a lot of coffee and only took a selfie of myself.

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I did try to capture the adorableness of David and Ty dancing this evening, but again, I had trouble with the Nikon. Damn it!

It’s sort of a ritual now for us to have a dance session before Ty goes down to bed. Today he asked for music to be turned on after I reminded him that tomorrow we have music class in the morning. David and him jammed it out for a while and Ty even threw in some spins. My mini Michael Jackson, ha.

March 12th: Mama Guilt

First of all, I’m super sorry for the low quality iphone photo. I don’t know how to work David’s Nikon so it makes for a less than ideal usage for spontaneous photo taking. Like this evening, I really wanted to get a shot of Ty running around butt naked and then he started vacuuming  (with the real vacuum cleaner) with all his might and I just about died that I couldn’t figure how to use the Nikon. A photo of Ty vacuuming naked would have been priceless!

So because of that I only have this iphone photo of these curry lentil crackers I made this morning. With Ty off at daycare I have a bit more time to be in the kitchen and I decided I want to work my way through one particular recipe book I have that has very unique and healthy vegan recipes.

Unfortunately, I burnt them a bit. But they still were tasty!

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Alright, so lets talk about this mama guilt thing. I knew I’d experience it and I know I know, this is only the 2nd week of Ty being in daycare, but man is it just breaking me up that he’s having a rough time!

The daycare very nicely has a daily report card for how each child was, when he napped, when he pooped, what he ate etc. Today they wrote the report in VERY broken English, but it made me SOOO sad to read! I can’t imagine its any more unusual than other days he’s there. He cries a lot, he gets very tired (his nap time at home is way earlier than the daycare’s naptime), etc But to read today in English how he stared at the door crying. How he asked for Mama mama….OMG I’m getting teary eyed again. Yes, I cried this afternoon. 😦

It doesn’t end there. He doesn’t eat at the daycare. Well, he will eat snacks and a little bit of the veggies and beans that are in his bento, but he doesn’t eat much. I’ve packed nothing but his favorite foods in the hopes that the familiar foods will encourage him to eat, but no he doesn’t eat. He eats them at home no problem. Today I packed for him penne lentil pasta. He loves this pasta, but I doubt he even had one bite daycare. At least he did eat the beets and edamame that was also in his bento, but with his weight decreasing a bit….I am concerned.

I know his weight loss is also contributed by him being sick last week, so I’m just doing my best to have him eat lots while he is home. And eat he does! In the morning he’s finally eating a pretty good amount and he doesn’t stop eating when he gets home from daycare. I have to give it another week or two to see if he will get used to the place and keep in mind that he is home a lot more than he is at daycare so over all he should be able to make up for the lack of food he eats at daycare if he keeps his appetite up at home.

Ah this is so tough! I feel like a selfish mom going for a run and cooking while my son is miserable at school. There are perks also for the child to be in daycare right? The socializing, building some independence away from mama, getting used to other caretakers, being in a Japanese environment etc. I feel guilty to say this, but I am absolutely loving my time away from him, but when he’s home I feel like the worse mom ever for sending him off.

wahhhh….just my little rant.

March 11th: How to

Eat salads daily without the prep being a hassle.

This is a no brainer, but I felt like sharing because it really is a super easy way to insure you have a nice big raw salad daily. With the weather getting warmer I’m getting my appetite for green smoothies and salads back again. For a while there I didn’t care if I had either, but now is the time I go greens crazy until Winter rolls around again.

Before I had Ty I used to make a salad at every meal by taking some leaves off the lettuce and cutting just one salad portion for veggies to be added to my salad. It was time-consuming, but I had the time so I never thought about a more efficient way. Then Ty came along and everything I did had to be efficient. Heres where I started making a huge amount of salad just 1-2xs a week and storing the salad in the fridge for easy consumption.

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My salad spinner bowls works perfectly for this. I prep all the greens, chop all the veggies I want into the salad and the bowl has its own spinning top that I use when I store it in the fridge. Wala! Now whenever I want a salad I don;t have to prepare from scratch, but just simply grab a few handfuls of the salad and enjoy with some homemade salad dressing that I always try to make sure I have made and ready to go. That amount up there lasts for around 2-3 days if David is also in the salad eating mood.

For the greens I had green lettuce, lots of parsley and water cress. I like to change my salad base around a lot, but right now I’m crazy about the added fresh herbs. I mixed in tomato, red bell pepper and cucumbers. Then whenever I eat a salad I also add some more toppings of whatever I have premade in the fridge. Which usually consists of steamed veggies, lentils and/or beans of some sort.

And now to pay respect for this day. It’s a sad day with it being 2nd year anniversary of the tsunami in Fukushima, but it’s also a day of celebrating because it’s my moms and my good mama friend’s birthday. Happy birthday dear ladies!

And now I’m off to bed. I seem to have caught Ty’s bug or maybe it was David’s bug? Either way, I have a slight fever and feeling all achy and sore all over! Good thing I had a lot of greens today 🙂 Going to fight this thing!

March 10th: Happy Birthday Lilia and Chris!

Lots of birthdays in my family in the month of March. Today is Lils and Chris’s and tomorrow is moms. I hope Lils and Chris are partying it up in Singapore and I’m looking forward to giving mum a ring tomorrow!

We started our day bright and early. For the first time ever, as soon as Ty got up and got off the bed he ran to the refrigerator indicating to me that he wants to eat. Who is this boy!? Ty never ever does this! It’s a tell tell sign that I’m not producing enough milk and/or he’s just making up for the weight he lost while being sick.  Last night he also got pretty frustrated when no milk came out. He couldn’t settle himself back to sleep so I was forced to get up and get him water. As soon as he drank a couple gulps he went back to sleep. I better start keeping water by the bed. While I admit that I am a bit sad that my milk is naturally dwindling, I’m also happy that he’s forced to eat more solids. I’m ready to wean, but I’m more or less letting Ty decide when he wants to be quits or until my body gives up.

He ate well for breakfast and then we were off to the park before the air was supposed to get suer contaminated by pollution coming in from China.

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And man did it get dark and yellow in the afternoon. It seriously was pretty disturbing how smoggy it suddenly got and it was a very very distinct yellow. We kept Ty indoors for the rest of the day. He took a long nap and I did a short workout. David didn’t feel well all morning so I was on my own, but when he got up in the afternoon, I went out to get some groceries and masks.

Then I got cracking in the kitchen. I wanted to bake something fun for Ty to take to daycare.

Savory spinach cheese muffins. Unfortunately. he didn’t seem too into it, but I think I need to try again when he’s hungry because I gave it to him tonight after he had tons of edamame and avocado pasta so he was pretty full after that.

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There’s no filter on my phone camera for these muffins. They really are a beautiful bright green color from the spinach I blended smooth. I’m not sure how they taste as they aren’t vegan in the least, but David seemed to have enjoyed a couple mini muffins so they can’t be that bad.

Fingers crossed Ty does alright in daycare tomorrow. He has been SUPER clingy and whinny always asking for “nene” (meaning both sleep and boob) so I know he’s feeling a lot of stress from daycare. Poor boy.

Hope everyone had a great weekend!

March 9th: Aquarium Adventures

We started our day off with a hearty meal. Ty had egg rice(half quinoa half brown rice) and tested out the measuring spoons for feeding.

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He soon learned it wasn’t the best and eventually switched to his yellow spoon. Thankfully, he ate almost his entire portion you see in the bowl.

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Then we were off to the aquarium in Ikebukuro Sunshine city. It was the first time for all of us to go and it was pretty fun. The size was perfect for our little boy and he had a blast ooing and ahhing over everything.

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It’s really fun to take him to these places now that he’s interesting and can stay awake longer. In fact today he didn’t take his nap until 2:30pm which is extremely late for him. Hope we don’t have to pay for this later as David and I going out for a date tonight and leaving Ty with the sitter.

Sad news is that the camera lens shattered today while we were out. It fell off the stroller and bam! 😦  It’s probably going to cost us a fortune to get the camera fix boohoo!

For the rest of this months challenge I’ll have to use my iphone or David’s Nikon camera. At least I made it 9 days using the Canon. Hurrah for me 🙂