Rollercoaster

Gosh, pregnancy has made me into a monster….or was my monster self just hiding and pregnancy brought it out?!

As soon as I feel I’ve got my emotions under control and have a few good happy days, I suddenly become this person I hardly even recognize.

I felt I should have been in a better mood after my Pilates class last night.

My teacher is fabulous! Full of positive energy and words of wisdom.

She was able to notice that during the class I suddenly was not able do an exercise properly because I was having a Braxton Hicks contraction. BHC started a few weeks ago. It usually happens in the late afternoon, through the night, early morning, and when I have a full bladder. For the first time it happened while I was exercising and my teacher told me to rest and wait it out.

I laid on my side for a while feeling pretty frustrated that I had no control over my body. For me, this is a big deal! I’m very aware of my body and yoga has really taught me how to listen and respect what my body is telling me. More times than not though, yoga and running has shown me that I’m stronger and capable of pushing myself more than I think I can. So this feeling of actually NOT being able to do the exercises because of what my body was feeling is sort of new.

Needless to say, I went home in a very sour mood and poor Motozo received the brunt of my frustration.  It’s rather ridiculous that something so small can make me feel so many (negative) things.

I’m neither resentful or angry at the baby for making me feel so out of my body.

I’m just frustrated.

Pregnancy is a lonely experience.

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5 thoughts on “Rollercoaster

  1. lil says:

    😦 hope you can work through these new feelings and braxton hicks, it’s pretty full on and must be such a drastic change! just prepare yourself for the last trimester, I don’t think anything is going to be easier in the coming months as far as carrying on your usual schedule/routines! Can’t seeing you do your poses with an 8 month belly! and after birth you’ll feel super bed ridden and exhausted so hope you can mentally get there before it gets to you, I guess one day at a time!

  2. Liene says:

    I know it must be hard for you, but the best thing you can do is accepting probably. This will not last your lifetime. blah-blah-blah me, I know.
    Just let yourself be sad, happy, cry and laugh.
    And meet many friends and talk. Good friends is blessing!
    And call me if you ever feel like talking!

  3. Meg says:

    Thank you Lil and Liene,

    Yesterday was a hard day. I know I need to try accepting the situation. I don’t think I’m trying to resist it, I’m just not liking it. Liene, I thought about calling you yesterday actually.

    Mentally, it has already got to me ha. I don’t think I could hit rock bottom more than I am now. And it makes me even more depressed thinking I still have 5 more months and it only gets harder 😦

    Moto and I talked and came up with a semi plan though to help me get through this. I’ll update on that if everything goes well.

  4. hana says:

    Meg, have a browse through this website. http://tinybuddha.com/

  5. Meg says:

    Thank you Hana! I bookmarked the site.

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