Thanks Lil and Liene for your words of kindness from the last post. I too hope I can come to terms with the changes especially being that things will only continue to change and I may have more physical limitations in the coming months.
Liene, your reminder that it isn’t going to last forever is perfectly what I need to constantly be telling myself. It’ll be over eventually 🙂
So one of things that come up yesterday was anxiety over having to be healthy, watch my weight, do what is good for the baby etc. I’m dreading my up coming check up in a week because I’m worried they will mention I’ve gained too much in only 4.5 months :S I know I shouldn’t be so concerned about this, but Japan is known for being very strict on how much women should and shouldn’t gain. I was told earlier in my pregnancy that if I gained 12kilos that would be considered WAY overweight and 9-10 is really the limit. I got the feeling that the doctors would actually be quite proud of me if I gained less than that.
Anyway, the intense worry that I’ll be re-primed has basically done a reverse psychology on me. For the pass few days I’ve been dreading any forms of exercise, especially running, and don’t have my usual appetite for “healthy” food. I haven’t run in the pass 3 days (that’s a long time for me not to run!) and basically have no motivation or desire to do what I usually enjoy doing.
So the goal today was to do something totally different. Instead of forcing myself to run, even though I know fully well that it would make me feel great afterward, I choose to take a long walk with my camera instead. The point was to get exercise in a way that felt the least like exercise.
First of all, I have to show my new salad spinner that I LOVE! I threw together a salad so quick with the help of this thing!
I didn’t actually feel like having a salad, but I need to eat at least one healthy meal in the day. God knows I’ll only feel more guilty tomorrow if I don’t. This is so unusual of me to not want vegetables and fruits! I blame it on my moody self which I guess I should just call depression, because that’s what I’m going through. No use hiding that fact.
I laced up in my running shoes, grabbed my stopwatch and camera and heading out the door in the late afternoon. The idea was to look for nice things to photograph and keep moving for at least an hour. I ended up walking briskly for 1.5 hours and being outside for a total of 2 hours. Like I do when I run, I stopped my watch every time I stopped to take a photo, bathroom, and stop lights etc. I always only count the time that I’m actually moving.
I found some beautiful delights!
I found quite a few sakura trees already starting to blossom! I felt as if I found gold! These babies will be gone in a matter of days!
I love ume flowers vibrant colors!
Rare white blossoms.
I love these! I don’t know why, but they remind me of cinnamon rolls all close together. hehe
I throughly enjoyed the walk. I didn’t feel the usual “high” I get from running, but being outside in the sun made a difference and I’m feeling much better. I now feel a little more motivated to run……perhaps tomorrow. I’ll see. I’m just going to take each day as it comes and try not to put too much pressure on myself to do what I feel I “have” to do.
Now I’m hungry and I actually feel like having an apple instead of cookies! JOY! 🙂