March 12th: Mama Guilt

First of all, I’m super sorry for the low quality iphone photo. I don’t know how to work David’s Nikon so it makes for a less than ideal usage for spontaneous photo taking. Like this evening, I really wanted to get a shot of Ty running around butt naked and then he started vacuuming  (with the real vacuum cleaner) with all his might and I just about died that I couldn’t figure how to use the Nikon. A photo of Ty vacuuming naked would have been priceless!

So because of that I only have this iphone photo of these curry lentil crackers I made this morning. With Ty off at daycare I have a bit more time to be in the kitchen and I decided I want to work my way through one particular recipe book I have that has very unique and healthy vegan recipes.

Unfortunately, I burnt them a bit. But they still were tasty!


Alright, so lets talk about this mama guilt thing. I knew I’d experience it and I know I know, this is only the 2nd week of Ty being in daycare, but man is it just breaking me up that he’s having a rough time!

The daycare very nicely has a daily report card for how each child was, when he napped, when he pooped, what he ate etc. Today they wrote the report in VERY broken English, but it made me SOOO sad to read! I can’t imagine its any more unusual than other days he’s there. He cries a lot, he gets very tired (his nap time at home is way earlier than the daycare’s naptime), etc But to read today in English how he stared at the door crying. How he asked for Mama mama….OMG I’m getting teary eyed again. Yes, I cried this afternoon. 😦

It doesn’t end there. He doesn’t eat at the daycare. Well, he will eat snacks and a little bit of the veggies and beans that are in his bento, but he doesn’t eat much. I’ve packed nothing but his favorite foods in the hopes that the familiar foods will encourage him to eat, but no he doesn’t eat. He eats them at home no problem. Today I packed for him penne lentil pasta. He loves this pasta, but I doubt he even had one bite daycare. At least he did eat the beets and edamame that was also in his bento, but with his weight decreasing a bit….I am concerned.

I know his weight loss is also contributed by him being sick last week, so I’m just doing my best to have him eat lots while he is home. And eat he does! In the morning he’s finally eating a pretty good amount and he doesn’t stop eating when he gets home from daycare. I have to give it another week or two to see if he will get used to the place and keep in mind that he is home a lot more than he is at daycare so over all he should be able to make up for the lack of food he eats at daycare if he keeps his appetite up at home.

Ah this is so tough! I feel like a selfish mom going for a run and cooking while my son is miserable at school. There are perks also for the child to be in daycare right? The socializing, building some independence away from mama, getting used to other caretakers, being in a Japanese environment etc. I feel guilty to say this, but I am absolutely loving my time away from him, but when he’s home I feel like the worse mom ever for sending him off.

wahhhh….just my little rant.


6 thoughts on “March 12th: Mama Guilt

  1. motozo says:

    Other than the starvation and unrelenting crying, Ty is just dandy…
    Just kidding!
    It is very “tsurai” for me as well, to observe the mental anguish and bodyweight loss. I think he will get used to it, but it will take a few weeks at least, and there might be relapses. I suppose the end game justifies the near-term pain. Let’s hope that our little tuff guy gets used to hoikuen soon!

  2. artsyduct says:

    oh so tough! It can’t be easy, hang in there, I think there’s an amount of time where you can see if he’s getting used to it or if hes just not ready, like his cries get shorter, or he starts eating etc. If its a good place, his eating habits hopefully will get better! and his manners and hygine too..not that a vacuuming ty needs help in that area LOL. I felt all teary eyed too just thinking about it, I’m going ot have to steel myself for amelie’s up coming stint too, but she is also alot older so it might be easier for me :D…I think you’re going through more anguish then he is…How long is it for? also how long does he cry? He does stop for good stretches right? How they can write up a whole report seems pretty amazing, I hope he settles down soon. xxx and hugs, you’re a wonderful mom, always wanting the best for him, you also need to think about yourself and the whole family, what works for you all, every mom has to go through this at one point. He’ll eat eventually and you should see improvement as time goes on.

  3. Thanks Lils,
    I’ll ask the daycare on Friday for exactly how long he’s crying for. I think it’s off and on, but more on than off. He only goes for 4 hours 3xs a week. but if he happens to fall asleep then I wait until he wakes up to pick him up. He managed to take an hour nap there once so he stayed a little longer that day.
    Yeah, I think he feels my guilt for sending him so he makes more of a scene perhaps.
    Fingers crossed that we see some improvement soon/

  4. SeikoChan says:

    DUDE!! OMG! I wish my kids were in daycare! Maybe I’m a mean mom cuz I wouldn’t care if they cried! Kids cry!! LOL! Maybe I don’t mind the crying cuz my 1st is always crying about something, so I’m use to it. Look at it this way, I’m a stay at home mom with two kids… there are days I snap and me and the kids are all crying at home, together! Those days are not fun! At least this way you can energize yourself as a person, which in turn will make you a more happy mother. Happy mother=good mother. And since you are having so much guilt (too much is never a good thing) but a little might actually make you more thankful for the time he is around and you try harder. Quality not quantity! Kids won’t remember every day of their lives anyways, but they will remember the quality of a few!! (so I tell myself on bad days)

  5. Thanks Seiko. I totally thought I’d be alright with him crying because thats whats to be expected when putting him into a foreign place without him, usual comfort (mom). But its a lot worse actually going through it.
    I def do savor and enjoy my time with him more now though so thats something we both are benefiting from. I know its a transition for both of us, but in the mean time there is the guilt knowing he could be very happy at home with me rather than suffer at daycare. I must keep the bigger picture in mind since there are lots of benefits for him going.

  6. SeikoChan says:

    Its funny how things are on the other side of the fence, I usually feel guilty that the kids aren’t in day care socializing with other kids, learning things from “real” certified teachers, ect. Instead we can’t afford day care (plus we can never get in to the ones we can afford) I feel guilty that their life is “dull” and I am not always put together with everything on a daily basis. And blah blah, lol! One really does need to think of the bigger picture with every situation!

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